Sunday, February 17, 2008

A movie, please? Somebody, put out a movie

I hate this time of year. January and February are the wasteland of film releases. Let's just review, shall we?, the "notable" releases since New Year's (note the Rotten Tomatoes score in parentheses next to each movie):

One Missed Call (0) - A zero. Now, that's horrifying. And oddly impressive.
First Sunday (16) - I know I'm not the audience, I know it - but still. One reviewer noted that "for an early January movie, this is sometimes as good as it gets." Damning with faint praise my friends, faint praise.
In the Name of the King (2) - Jason Statham action/adventure flick? How'd they screw that up? This one is up there in the record books though, for best cast/worst movie (Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken, Matthew Lillard, Will Sanderson, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds).
27 Dresses (37) - coulda been better. Shoulda been better. Damn, I wish it'd been better.
Cloverfield (76) - perfect timing for this - its $16MM opening weekend "destroyed" the competition (to date it's over $75MM). Someone knew exactly when to release this puppy.
Mad Money (21) - I blinked and missed that one. Didn't miss much evidently, even with Mrs. Cruise in a perm.
How She Move (70) - actually, I want to see this. But that's just me. Still - a 70.
Cassandra's Dream (47) - a Woody Allen movie. Wow. This hasn't even broken the $1MM mark yet.
Rambo (34) - um, need I say ANYTHING else about the sad state of January (2008, I mean)?
Meet the Spartans (3) - okay, a three. I rest my case.
Untraceable (12) - A serious departure from Primal Fear... even the eminently watchable Diane Lane wasn't enough to save this movie.
The Eye (19) - "I know! Let's take a hot sci-fi fantasy TV actress and remake a Japanese horror flick." I mean, let's do it again, only with Jessica Alba instead of Sarah Michelle Gellar this time.
Over Her Dead Body (13) - even the ads for this looked dismal.
Fool's Gold (9) - I get it, really. They were cute together before, why not try again? Er, this would be why not.
The Hottie and the Nottie (7) - wow, and this isn't even the lowest score. Go, Paris!
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (28) - when he's good he's very, very good (Bad Boys, anyone?), and when he's bad, he's...
In Bruges (75) - This is for sure the next movie I'll be seeing.
Definitely Maybe (69) - a viable RC? Count me in.
The Spiderwick Chronicles (79) - and the winner is! okay, okay, I'll go.
Jumper (15) - doesn't it just seem like this should've been so much better?
Step Up 2 the Streets (28) - RT said it best: "Been there, danced that."

And let me just add, re the RT scores, I have my fair share of favorite movies that have earned "rotten" scores. There is nothing to be ashamed of in loving a rotten movie. But for statistical purposes, let's just consider that out of the 21 movies I've listed that have been released since January 1st, the average score is a 31. Last November and December's average score? 62.

But I see the light.... coming out this weekend we have two, count 'em, two promising feature films. Hallelujah and praise be!
Charlie Bartlett - I will see anything with Robert Downey Jr. in it. Anything.
Vantage Point - Please. Please. Please. I'm begging. Let this be good. Please.

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