Try to remember

So, I don't know who Nat Gertler is, and I can't get to his (her?) page on Facebook (if you can, don't hold it against me — I have it on good authority I'm technologically cursed).

I'm reasonably confident, however, that she (he?) is responsible for this little goody about the late, great Kathryn Joosten, which, given I just attended a mega double-digit high school reunion, seemed particularly apropos as well as worth sharing.

Couldn't have said it better

I had to share an excerpt from Ramin Setoodeh's "One For The Money Review: Does Katherine Heigl Have Fans?" from The Daily Beast:

On Friday morning at 12:01 a.m., I went to the movies to see One for the Money, the new Katherine Heigl crime caper that’s so lousy the studio wouldn’t screen it early for critics. I had to watch it at the first public showing in a Manhattan theater, with all of Heigl’s groupies, if they exist. Here’s what happened, as recorded in real-time on my BlackBerry.

11:50 p.m. A 26-year-old man working at the concession stand tells me how much he enjoyed Heigl’s performance in Zack & Miri Make a Porno. I point out that Heigl was not in that film.
11:53 p.m. I find my seat. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 1.
12:00 a.m. I am still the only person here. This is worse than going to your high-school prom alone.
12:04 a.m. A few others have trickled in. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 5.
(blah blah blah)
12:35 a.m. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 3. Two teen girls have already fled.
(blah blah blah)
1:03 a.m. At this point, Heigl does the impossible: handcuffed naked to her own shower pole, she’s still boring.
(blah blah blah)
1:37 a.m. Heigl is shot in the butt. Is that supposed to be a metaphor.

I'm guessing he's not a fan.

Now, THAT'S a list I can get behind

You know that post I wrote about the surprising Kris Kristofferson? Truth is, I really meant to write about Mel Brooks. People get those two confused all the time, don't they? No? Fine. Be that way.

So anyway, back to Mel... I stumbled upon this awesome article on Topless Robot (I stumbled on it, I didn't name it) — "10 Kickass Things Mel Brooks Did (Besides His Movies)" — which led me to my 'unknown brainiac' spiel... which led to Mr. Kristofferson... which led to... oh, to live in my brain. But today — today, I really am going to write about Mel Brooks.

Here are the "10 reasons you should be impressed besides how many times he got you to watch Blazing Saddles and still laugh." I could try to put it better, but why work that hard? (Many kudos to Topless Robot for this list.)

Created Get Smart. Yep, that was him — with Buck Henry, who, by the way, besides playing Liz Lemon's dad on 30 Rock, was nominated for an Oscar for writing The Graduate, which starred Anne Bancroft (see below) — there is just no end to these brainiacs in hiding.

Gave us Max Brooks. If nothing else, Mel's son has been credited (or blamed, depending) for the recent uptick of zombies in pop culture — his 2003 book, The Zombie Survival Guide, pre-dates the truly hilarious Shaun of the Dead, Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake, the film adaptation of I Am Legend (you know what I think about that movie), the Cinderella story movie (the actual movie, not the plot) Zombieland, AMC's The Walking Dead, to name a few. That and his next book, World War Z, are both on their way to the silver screen. Plus — how cute is Mel's grandson, Henry Mel?

Rocked Broadway. You know all those movies that have been musicalized and transported to the Great White Way? Blame Brooks. His production of The Producers won 12 Tonys, and Young Frankenstein was nominated for three. Next up, he's writing the book and music for a Broadway version of Blazing Saddles. "The sheriff's near."

Wrote in comedy's version of the Brill Building. If it weren't true, it would be ridiculous. Nah, it's still ridiculous. Wrap your mind around this round table: Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, Carl Reiner, Neil Simon, Daniel Simon, Larry Gelbart, Selma Diamond, Michael Stewart and Mel Tolkin. Uh huh. In one room. Writing for one guy (Sid Caesar). For the record — those minds brought us (just a sampling, mind you): Blazing Saddles, Manhattan, The Jerk, The Odd Couple, Sleeper, Young Frankenstein, My Three Sons, Bye Bye Birdie, Diff'rent Strokes, M.A.S.H., Hot in Cleveland... you get the drift.

Discovered Dave Chappelle. Betcha didn't know that. DC's first film role was in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Thanks for that, Mel.

Got the EGOT. Mel Brooks is one of only ten people — EVER — to win the grand slam of entertainment awards: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. I know, I know — you want to know who the other nine are. Hey, I need something to write about tomorrow.

Won the heart and hand of Anne Bancroft. A duo right up there with Newman & Woodward for Hollywood romances that make you believe in "wuv, true wuv" (recognize that? It's from a movie directed by Carl Reiner's son... see how that works?). And proof positive that women go for men who make them laugh. Really.

Brought us The Elephant Man. Not only did Brooks produce this far from funny story of the "classic wandering Jew" directed by David Lynch, he was on set every day. Though... would you believe it was Brooks' kids' babysitter who gave him the script? That's at least a little funny.

Defused landmines. No, really. Brooks joined the Army Corps of Engineers when he was 17. Legend has it that when the Germans began blasting propaganda at the American troops through loudspeakers, Brooks set up his own loudspeakers and blasted back with his impression of "Toot Toot Tootsie." Take that, you stinkin' Krauts!

Gave us Gene Wilder. Further proving my beautiful-women-love-funny-men theory, it was Anne Bancroft who introduced Mel to Gene after she worked with him on stage. Three years later, Mel cast Gene as Bloom in The Producers, after which we got Gene as Willy Wonka, Gene as Young Frankenstein, Gene as Jim, The Waco Kid. Happy days.

Smarter than he looks

There are few things I love more than surprising brainiacs — and I don't mean sneaking up on Alfred Einstein and yelling "boo!" I mean people who surprise you by being far, far smarter and more accomplished than you ever thought they were.

Like whom, you ask?

Like Kris Kristofferson — depending on how old you are, you might remember him as Obi Wan (c'mon, he is!) in Blade, or as the only cool thing about the vastly unfortunate Streisand remake of A Star is Born.

I bet you anything you don't know half what you think you know about this guy. Seriously, check out this bio of him written in 1958 in Sports Illustrated:

"This dashing young man in the Rugby outfit plays standoff on the team at Pomona College in California, where he is a senior. But this is only a small facet of 21-year-old Kris Kristofferson's amazing record. He is also starting left end on the varsity football team, a Golden Gloves boxer, sports editor of the college paper, outstanding cadet in the ROTC battalion of which he is cadet commander. As an English major he is an honor student and member of the four-man senior honor society on campus. Kris won four of the top 20 awards recently given in a creative writing contest for college students. He composes folk songs which he sings to his own guitar accompaniment. And to crown this varied list of accomplishments Kris is a Rhodes scholar-elect, one of 32 young Americans chosen to go to Oxford this fall.

Yep. A Golden Gloves boxer and a Rhodes Scholar. Not to mention, he's been nominated for an Oscar, won a Grammy or three, won a Golden Globe and in 1985, he was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame (you do know he wrote Me and Bobby McGee, right?). And that picture... Crazy Heart, anyone?

Hear that? That's Kris Kristofferson yelling "boo!"

Mrs. Doubtfire or Mr. Mom?

Hollywood has always had a soft spot for fathers. From Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride to J.K. Simmons in Juno, dads on film have always held a special place in our hearts. Here are some of my faves:

5. For his endless imagination and unflagging determination to give his son a childhood in the face of formidable obstacles, Roberto Benigni’s father in Life is Beautiful really is a thing of beauty.

4. Whether he belongs on the best housekeeper list or best Dads list, Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire undoubtedly belongs on a Top 5 list somewhere. Willing to go to any lengths to be with his kids, he eventually triumphs, gaining not only his kids, but also his own TV show.

3. When your mom dies and you have to travel five thousand miles to live with your dad, you really hope he turns out to be like Fly Away Home’s Thomas. What other dad would not only let you adopt a flock of geese, but build you your very own Ultralight (painted like a mama goose, no less) to migrate your flock hundreds of miles south from Canada to North Carolina?

2. I have always had a soft spot for Leon in The Professional. Just goes to show biology isn’t everything. Then again, what hitman wouldn’t want to adopt an adolescent Natalie Portman?

1. Was there ever a better father than Atticus Finch, as portrayed by Gregory Peck? “Stand up Jean Louise, your father’s passing.” Stand up indeed.

Whatever real life might have in store for you, the good ol' silver screen always gives you something to dream about.

God has another most beautiful angel

When Audrey Hepburn died, Elizabeth Taylor said, "God has a most beautiful new angel."

Elizabeth Taylor died this morning, and as my friend Amy would say, "that's some heck of a team God is putting together up there."

If you're not an old movie buff like moi, your idea of Liz Taylor is probably incomplete. Husbands out the yin yang, weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, pills, rehab, crazy hair. Perfume shiller. Maybe you even think of her as an AIDS research advocate and fund raiser extraordinaire.

Personally, she was also known for being an extraordinary friend. By all accounts, she saved Montgomery Clift's life after his car accident near her home, climbing through a back window because the doors were too mangled to open and reaching into his mouth to pull out loose teeth that were blocking his airway. She continued to care for him, renting a suite at the Chateau Marmont for his recovery and doing her part to see that he continued to work in Hollywood.

Indelibly linked to AIDS and AIDS research, she was inspired to campaign for the cause when another friend, Rock Hudson, announced he was suffering from the disease. Against the advice of friends and publicists, Elizabeth went ahead and became the face and voice for a disease that at the time, no one wanted even to discuss, let alone acknowledge the scale of the threat it posed.

Professionally, Elizabeth Taylor won two Academy Awards for acting (for "BUtterfield 8" and "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"). One of the last fixtures of "Old Hollywood," she was almost so un-really gorgeous, it's sometimes hard to see her performances past her face, but they're there. Everyone has their favorites, but for me, it's

National Velvet (I don't care, I love that movie)
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Paul and Liz in the same movie? Need I say more?)
A Place in the Sun (when Montgomery Clift was almost as beautiful as Liz)
Suddenly, Last Summer (though really, it's Katherine Hepburn in that movie who is so riveting — can you say twisted and obsessed? Brrrrr.)
and Giant. Not because I should, but because I actually do. And also because in it, Dennis Hopper plays Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson's son. Who knew?
(By the way, the average RT score for those movies? 94.4. Nice going, Elizabeth.)

Albert Einstein said "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." Feels like Elizabeth Taylor was here not even a minute.

You've seen the commercial, now see the original

Gene and Donald...
They're sitting.
They're dancing.
They're sitting.
They're dancing.
They're sitting AND they're dancing.



(Yep, video here. Like dance? Can't see the video? Click here, it's worth it.)

And... if you haven't seen the commercial:

(Another video - only 30 sec. Check it.)

or maybe not...

C'mon IMDB, catch up!

Deadline Hollywood reports that Detective Winters, the lead in NBC's upcoming Lola (Law & Order LA), will be played by Skeet Ulrich.

I hear he gets mistaken for Terrence Howard all the time.

If he could just shrug this off...

The book. The saga. The major motion picture. The movie event of the century.

Yep, the million dollar production of Atlas Shrugged from famed movie producer John Aglialoro, directed by the inimitable auteur Paul Johansson and starring Taylor Schilling as Dagny Taggert, is underway.

Wait, wait. John Aglia-who-o? Paul Johansson — that guy from One Tree Hill — seriously? Not Taylor Schilling, Angelina Jolie, right? — those rumors have been around for a while. Nope.

Let me 'splain. No, no, it's too long. Let me sum up.

John Aglialoro (head of Cybex, a fitness equipment company, and also a trustee of The Atlas Society) acquired the rights to Atlas Shrugged, one of the most well-known and divisive (not to mention longest) novels of the 20th century, in 1993 for $1 million. Evidently the rights are close to expiration and so, this spring, he decided the time was right to go ahead with the film. Sans script, director, or cast. Why sweat the small stuff?

Since then Aglialoro, who intends to bring the book to screen in three parts, has commissioned a script by famed writer Bryan O'Toole — you must recognize his name? He is responsible for such masterpieces as Cemetery Gates and Evilution. Aglialoro has also brought on the directing powerhouse Paul Johansson. If you're not a One Tree Hill fan, you might remember Johansson when he played Steve's nemesis on Beverly Hills 90210, or perhaps as one of the guys in that memorable series of Diet Coke commercials? Think hard, it'll come to you.

Johansson is also slated to play John Galt. Of course he is.

If you can't see it, click here to watch Johansson deliver and drink some diet coke.

I did say million dollar production. That's right. A whole five million dollars. To compare, the production budget for Juno was estimated at around seven million.

Angelina Jolie, when asked by Cinematical.com about the movie (not this production, to be clear, just the movie adaptation in general) had this to say: "the thing with Atlas is just, we all feel that it's one of those projects where if you can't do it right, you really can't touch it." Unless you're a fitness equipment manufacturer, that is. Then, apparently, just doing it is good enough. If only he were making a Nike commercial.

In 1949, when Ayn Rand's earlier novel, The Fountainhead, was brought to the silver screen, King Vidor (five Oscar nominations) directed, Patricia Neal, Gary Cooper and Raymond Massey starred, and Warner Brothers produced. Oh, yeah, and Ayn Rand herself wrote the screenplay. According to the producer, Henry Blanke, Ayn Rand said "she would blow up the Warner Brothers lot if we changed one word of her beautiful dialogue. And we believed her. Even Jack Warner believed her. He gave her a cigar.”

Too bad she's not around now.

Ssshhh, don't tell anyone

If you've been following the Law & Order saga, you might know that NBC rather precipitously canceled the mother ship, the original series, the only show ever to challenge Gun Smoke.

If you haven't been following the saga, because maybe, like, you have better things to do?, let me catch you up: in May, with little fanfare and no little acrimony, NBC announced the end of Law & Order after 20 seasons, after agreeing to a 21st. Dick Wolf (creator, producer, mastermind, power to be reckoned with) was reportedly furious at the renegal (renegement? there doesn't seem to be a noun for that. damn.).

Rumors swirled about Wolf's negotiations to bring L&O to TNT for its third decade, a la its sibling L&O: Criminal Intent. Meanwhile, NBC, fearing that its lone remaining spawn, L&O: SVU, might get despondent all by itself, announced yet another new Law & Order spin-off (Dick Wolf is the octo-mom of procedurals): Law & Order LA. With no cast and no premiere date, the show is nonetheless officially set to go on NBC this fall.

Right, no cast. For a show of no low profile supposed to air in just a few months. Promising.

Let me make that no cast announcement. A fortuitous perusal of IMDB revealed that Terrence Howard's latest credit is, you guessed it, L&O: Los Angeles (otherwise known as "Lola"), as Detective Rex Winters. Ming-na (remember her from, among other things, ER?) is playing Lt. Parker, which would be the role filled on various other L&O shows by S. Epatha Merkerson, Dann Florek, Jamey Sheridan, Eric Bogosian and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.

My question is, do you think after the first episode, NBC will replace Howard with Don Cheadle?

Third time's the charm?

A slacker he ain't.

Christian Slater takes yet another stab at TV with an upcoming pilot for Fox. This after My Own Worst Enemy, which really should have been so much better than it was, and The Forgotten, which was actually better than it should've been.

Currently untitled, the upcoming show from Adam Goldberg (that would be Adam F. Goldberg, writer, not to be confused with Adam Goldberg, actor), is reported to be a comedy about "a team of twentysomething geniuses who crack security systems."

But wait! Christian Slater isn't 20-something, you say? You are too right. He plays the "charismatic renegade who runs the Titan Team, a gruff ex-military misanthrope with a checkered past." Of course he does.

Miss Life?

Although it seems as though Damian Lewis is headed to the silver screen and a theater near you, Sarah Shahi has found a new home on USA and the small screen in your living room.

USA has ordered a full (13 episodes) season of "Facing Kate" with Shahi. Created by Michael Sardo ("Caroline in the City"), the show centers on Kate, a top litigator so fed up with the system she becomes the ultimate anti-litigator, a (gasp!) mediator. Also starring Michael Trucco ("Battlestar Galactica", "Castle"), Virginia Williams and Baron Vaughn.

The show will premiere sometime in the fall, after the summer premiere of "Covert Affairs." As long as it's not Dr Laura meets Judge Judy.

Yes, Tom, there really is...

As previously reported here, even Mr. Spielberg isn't immune to remake-itis and was planning a 21st century reboot of Harvey.

Luckily for us, Tom Hanks, in his infinite wisdom, evidently expressed concern at attempting to follow in Jimmy Stewart's Oscar-nominated footsteps and declined the role.

Atta boy, Tom! Stick to your guns — maybe someone (anyone? anyone?) will offer you an original screenplay, that mythical Hollywood beast that roams the streets, searching for a friend, a lover, an agent. Hey, the door was open. I just walked in.

Harvey, phone home

They've passed a new law. I don't know if you've heard yet, but no new material can be developed, filmed or made in Hollywood, under penalty of dire consequences (like being accused of having a brain or an original thought or thinking, horrors!, something different than everyone else).

Okay, so the law hasn't actually passed. But you'd never know. It's gotten so they don't even bother mentioning that the idea's recycled (you'd think they'd at least want credit for being eco-conscious). To wit, next year we'll see Keira Knightley helming Never Let Me Go, a movie about an isolated and idyllic boarding school that turns out to be breeding donor clones rather than raising British children.

If this sounds a bit familiar, perhaps that's because four years ago, we saw a small movie called The Island directed with typical delicate subtlety by Michael Bay. Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson, glowing and gleaming in an idyllic and isolated community, eventually race to escape, still glowing and gleaming, upon discovering they are, aha!, nothing more than organ donors for the rich and reckless.

Granted, Never Let Me Go comes with a far more distinguished literary pedigree — it is based on a novel by the author of "The Remains of the Day," Kazuo Ishiguro. Still.

Why do I bring this up? Because Mr. Steven Spielberg himself is jumping on the remake bandwagon. Why I'm surprised by this, considering that he broke the 11th commandment and made a fourth sequel in the Indy franchise, I don't know. One lives in hope. At least I am able to report that Spielberg is not remaking anything from the last decade. Thank heavens for small favors.

Instead he is going back to the 1950s to "update" Harvey, a movie based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning play and written by its original award-winning playwright, Mary Chase. The 1950 movie starred an invisible 6 1/2 foot tall rabbit alongside Jimmy Stewart in an Academy Award nominated performance for best actor. If you haven't seen it, do so. As for the "update?" It's being written by first-time screen writer, Jonathan Tropper. Who hasn't won a Pulitzer Prize.

Having said all that, it makes perfect sense that they are remaking Total Recall. Because we probably forgot the first one. Hey, I can't make this stuff up.

I was planning to come back with a bang, but...

First, my apologies for my absence.

Second, the latest rumor—and I sincerely, verily, to the depths of my love of movies pray (and I almost never pray) that it really is a rumor—to be pinging around the web is that a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is in the offing.

As if in and of itself that's not bad enough—and seriously, that is bad enough—the players? Tom Cruise and John Travolta. You know, there are some things even I can't make up.

You've got to hand it to Cruise, who, through his newly jointly owned resurrected United Artists studio is evidently planning to also play the Scott Rudin role of producer in this debacle—the reports claim that months before his death, Newman himself gave Cruise his blessing for this, this, this... I have no words.

Do I have to post the commandments again?

11. No third sequels. (If you're thinking about Bourne, Indy, Star Wars... those are trilogies, not sequels, so the commandment still holds. And Indy 4? Let's not even talk about it.)

7. Do not remake the classics, especially the classics with the inimitables (including but not limited to Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Gregory Peck, and so on). These would include but are not limited to: Psycho, Sabrina, Charade. There are no exceptions to this rule. Classics that have so far stayed untouched (and should remain that way): Casablanca, All About Eve, Chinatown, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, To Kill A Mockingbird, ET, Juno (who said classics have to be old?)

2. Do not remake bad movies - make good original movies. (With some few exceptions... Ocean's 11 the original was pretty lousy, Ocean's 11 the second was pretty nifty. Still.)

I reserve the right to complete this list of commandments.

How do you spell disaster?

You would think that one horrible, horrendous, hellacious remake experience would be enough to put you off for life. But you would be wrong.

Scott Rudin, that mastermind behind the remake of Sabrina (for which he sort of apologized, "What was I thinking when I made 'Sabrina?'" he said in a 1997 article in the New York Times), has evidently decided that although he couldn't pull it off with Audrey Hepburn, he might be able to pull it off with the Duke in his Oscar-winning role. Yep, that's right, Rudin, along with the Coen brothers—you know, "Burn After Reading"?—is re-making "True Grit."

According to reports, they are not remaking the film so much as basing "their movie on the original Charles Portis novel, meaning that they will focus the story on the 14-year-old girl," Mattie Ross, who goes looking to avenge the death of her father. Because there isn't enough new material out there for movies? Some people never learn.

So sad...

When Paul Newman died, it was sad because it was the end of an era, the dying of a light.

This is heartbreaking in a whole different way. Married to Liam Neeson, with two children, Natasha Richardson died skiing in Canada. She was only 45.

I didn't see her in many movies, but somehow, I always enjoyed her when I did see her. And that's saying something.

RIP, Natasha.

The man in the white suit

If you're of a certain age, you'll remember Saturday nights one way and one way only.
9 o'clock was Love Boat (love. exciting and new. come aboard. we're expecting you... ), and 10 o'clock was Fantasy Island ("Da plane! Da plane!"). Now that I consider it, both of those shows were helmed by a man dressed in a white suit, but there is really no contest between Captain Stubing and Mr. Roarke. Ricardo Montalban as Mr. Roarke was suave, elegant, unflappable. He was precisely what he was supposed to be.

And then there was Montalban as Khan, or, you know, "Khaaaaaan!" Which was actually a reprisal; he played Khan in an episode on the original TV series in 1967. He was in musicals in old Hollywood, was the face, really more the voice, of Cadillac in the 70s, and who could forget him in Spy Kids 2?

Sadly, Ricardo Montalban died today, at the ripe old age of 88.

A thousand words? Maybe a million...

Last night I saw... can you guess? Yep, The Wrestler. (98 on RT)

I was mesmerized, as much by watching the veritable definition of "ravaged" up on the screen as anything else. And perhaps I was the only one to wonder this, since it did earn a 98, but I still have to ask, why did we spend so much time looking at his back? No, really. For the first 20 minutes I swear I saw Mickey's face full on for a total of 90 seconds, and maybe his profile for another 120.

Now, supposedly this is as much a comeback for Mr. Aronofsky as it is for Mr. Rourke, and I will admit that it is a far cry from the mess that was The Fountain (51 on RT). All I'm really saying is, it was that much harder for me, and maybe I'm just a sucker for a pretty face, to care about Mickey's character until I got to see his character. You know, like from the front? Face to face? But like I said, maybe that's just me.

Be that as it may, I like small movies (okay, I like big movies too—I like all kinds of movies) and this is a really, really good small movie. By small, I don't mean easy, or simple, or unimportant. Because this movie is none of those things. But it does tell its story in a very close space, with an economy of words and color. And with perhaps a bit of an over-abundance of 80s music. And through it all, it's nearly impossible to take your eyes off Mickey. His front or back.

He's just funny... that's all there is to it

When he's good, he's very, very good (see what he has to say about the game of golf):

And yes, it's another video. Can't see it? Click here.