I was planning to come back with a bang, but...

First, my apologies for my absence.

Second, the latest rumor—and I sincerely, verily, to the depths of my love of movies pray (and I almost never pray) that it really is a rumor—to be pinging around the web is that a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is in the offing.

As if in and of itself that's not bad enough—and seriously, that is bad enough—the players? Tom Cruise and John Travolta. You know, there are some things even I can't make up.

You've got to hand it to Cruise, who, through his newly jointly owned resurrected United Artists studio is evidently planning to also play the Scott Rudin role of producer in this debacle—the reports claim that months before his death, Newman himself gave Cruise his blessing for this, this, this... I have no words.

Do I have to post the commandments again?

11. No third sequels. (If you're thinking about Bourne, Indy, Star Wars... those are trilogies, not sequels, so the commandment still holds. And Indy 4? Let's not even talk about it.)

7. Do not remake the classics, especially the classics with the inimitables (including but not limited to Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Gregory Peck, and so on). These would include but are not limited to: Psycho, Sabrina, Charade. There are no exceptions to this rule. Classics that have so far stayed untouched (and should remain that way): Casablanca, All About Eve, Chinatown, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, To Kill A Mockingbird, ET, Juno (who said classics have to be old?)

2. Do not remake bad movies - make good original movies. (With some few exceptions... Ocean's 11 the original was pretty lousy, Ocean's 11 the second was pretty nifty. Still.)

I reserve the right to complete this list of commandments.