You have to see it to believe it

Say hello to my little friend.

The lion, the witch and the wardrobe? Nope.

The scarecrow, the tin man and the cowardly lion? Uh uh.

Clapton, Lennon and Richards?

Duh.

Sneaky, sneaky Hitchock.

From the minds that brought you Star Wars, Ziggy Stardust and The Muppets comes...

Don't quit your day job, guys.

You. In 160 characters or less.

Maundering around the web as I am wont to do, I happened upon these "best" Twitter bios. I had to share.


@DianaSilvaSays — I love my husband, my dogs, all things marketing, three-day weekends, high-heels, reading, running, knitting, sushi, wine, long walks on the beach…wait, what?

@badbanana — Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

@smuttysteff — I tweet hard, fast, & often. I’m opinionated & swear CONSTANTLY. Don’t like it? Don’t follow. Otherwise: You’ll take it & like it.

@katefettie — You know the burnt-out college student in front of you in line at Target who was intermittently chuckling to herself? Nice to meet you, too.

@ZacharyColbert — S P E C T A C U L A R V E R N A C U L A R

@bgibbs73 — Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.

@TheBloggess — I have friends in spite of myself.

@cubedweller — Brand igniter, angel investor, public speaker, former Virgin.

@jpundyk — Nice guys finish lunch.

@cryjack — Fight stupidization.

@HotAmishChick — Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless

@JeffCThorson — I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased dramatically.

@wanderingbiker — Unemployed computer guy takes off on his motorcycle seeking fame, fortune and adventure.

@howardgr — A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.

@ohyesshecan — social strategy & implementation. will work for shoes.

@radmul — If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment

@nancyfalls — I’m @JasonFalls’s wife. I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

@QueenRania — A mum and a wife with a really cool day job…

@Glinner — I apologise in advance.

@oilman — Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.

@TheMadHat — Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.

@AllisonBatof — Naturally and artificially flavoured

@RebeccaWoodcock — I am a sample size of one, not statistically significant, nor representative.

@KRCraft — An ounce of perception – a pound of obscure.

@EzraButler — I’m the illegitimate love-child of Strategy and Creativity. Now neither parent admits to having me…

@cshirky — Bald. Unreliable. Easily distracte


Culled from The 20 all-time funniest bios (parts 1&2) and 20 Twitter Bios that Demand Attention. Nicely done.

Oh, mine?

@AnswerG — Wait. I'm still thinking.

Because nothing should be taken too seriously

My sister, handing me Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead to read, simply said it was "a wicked good read." She was right.

I went on to write a thesis (or what amounted to one at my school) on Rand. But not on Objectivism, or Capitalism, or Selfishness (caps hers). I was more interested in making a case for using fiction (especially "wicked good reads") to teach science — at least, political science. Seriously, wouldn't you like a little Ayn Rand thrown in with your Hobbes? Or Adam Smith, as the case may be?

Atlas Shrugged by Rand is ranked as the second most influential book in print (after the Bible and before Wisdom from The Road Less Traveled) according to a 1991 study by Library of Congress and Book of the Month club. Strong viewpoints make for big targets, however, and Rand is no exception. See illustration on left.

I bet he's good at Scrabble too

Rare is the show that can make me laugh out loud.

This is Jon Stewart on Fox & Friends' "discussion" of George Axelrod's appearance on Jon Stewart talking about MMS and the phenomenon know as "blaming it on Bush." I recommend the section between 3:08 and 4:38, if you don't want to watch an 8 minute clip. It's all funny, but that's the sweet spot.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Blame
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

YES! It's a VIDEO! Don't see it? Click here and watch it and shut up already.

The Declaration of Independence in 140 Characters or less

Could you declare independence and start a revolution in 20 words or less? Slate Magazine ran a contest for best tweet to do just that. They put it this way, "rewrite the Declaration of Independence in a single tweet."

Straight from the magazine's mouth, here are the results:

The third runner-up, for straddling the delicate balance between the literal and humorous: @Boston1775: "We seek independence based on noble and universal ideas combined with petty and one-sided grievances."

The second runner-up, for his direct and confrontational tweet, goes to @TJMonticello: "All peeps are equal. Sick and tired of your tyrannical BS. Seeking independence. Your permission requested, not required."

The first runner-up, for both historical accuracy and a Twitter-worthy modernization of communication, goes to @badanes: "Our Rights from Creator (h/t @JLocke). Life, Liberty, PoH FTW! Your transgressions = FAIL. GTFO, @GeorgeIII. -HANCOCK et al."

And finally, our winner—according to his Twitter bio, a former writer for Conan O'Brien and The Daily Show—is @ApocalypseHow, for reminding us that brevity is the soul of wit: "Bye George, we've got it."

By George, I think we did.

Happy July Fourth, everyone!

Mercedes does blonde jokes. Really.

And I thought car companies didn't have senses of humor.



This is a video. A video I think is funny enough to post, so if you can't see it, click here. No? Fine. Be that way.

Need a laugh?

For one thing, my sure-fire, need-a-laugh, go-to video clip is Robin Williams on the game of golf — I chuckle just thinking about that riff. For another, I'm not a big fan of stand-up comics. Really, I'm not. I almost never find them anywhere near as funny as everyone sitting around me, which makes them even unfunnier. When you're sitting there, thinking, "yeah? so?" and everyone else is gasping for breath and crying with laughter, you just feel awkward. Not amused. Just kind of irritated. So, no, stand-up comics are not my thing.
Imagine my surprise, then, when I watched a DVD of this stand up comic I'd never heard of and started laughing. Out loud. In front of the TV.

Jokes.com
Brian Regan - Animal Sounds
comedians.comedycentral.com

(Psst, this is a video post. If you can't see it, you're missing out, so click here already!)

This Brian Regan, he cracked me up. But that's just me.

My dog ate my homework

It wasn't me, officer, I swear. My cat downloaded the porn.

No, I'm not kidding. Evidently they grow their felines different in Florida.

According to Keith Griffin, he never visited a single porn site. Not ever. His cat, on the other hand, would jump on the keyboard all the time, and wow!, all this porn would just, like, show up on his, like, monitor.

Don't say it. Don't say it.

Psychotic, much?

I really can't add to this blog that a friend of mine shared with me. Okay, that's not exactly true... I can add to it—in fact think I might just send something in—heaven knows I've got a few samples that qualify...but let's just say, I can't add more to it descriptively.

Psychotic Letters from Men.

The Psychotic. The Pathetic. The Bizarre.
A Forum To Show Men Who The Real Bitch Is.

What more is there to say?

I'm sure there's an equal opportunity blogger out there representing the other side, and if I stumble upon it, I promise I'll share.

In the meantime, for all us girls out there who've had the completely inexplicable, "seriously?" email... this blog's for you.

Happy Valentine's Day

Move over red, green is not just for jealousy anymore—these days it's the new color of love. "Love thyself, love thy neighbor?" Puh-leez. "Love thyself, love thy planet." Now we're talking.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not. Check out the very sweet—and very green—video below:

and yeah, it's a video. Can't see it? Click here.

32 million is a big number

Evidently, this video (yes, it's a video-if you can't see it, click here) is the 28th most watched video on YouTube, with over 32 million views. That's a lot. On the other hand, that fact is a wikifact, so take it for what it's worth.

Still, the next time someone asks you, "what is that?" tell them "it's a magical liopleurodon." I dare you.

Redux - in pictures this time

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

(It's a video, video, video-about Benjamin Gump, or Forrest Button, or, well, you get the point. If you can't see it, click here.)

How true it is...

My parents rock - yesterday's post was courtesy Mom, and today's is courtesy Dad.

• There is no North or South - it's "uptown" and "downtown." East or West is "cross-town."
• You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
• You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning, just because there are seats available.
• You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
• You know what a 'regular' coffee is.
• It's not Manhattan...it's the 'city.'
• You cross the street anywhere but at the corner and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
• You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn, Long Island or the Bronx the minute you open your mouth.
• You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a 'real' pizza , a 'real' bagel, and 'real' Chinese food.
• A 500 square foot apartment is large.
• You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas.
• You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. announcement on the subway.
• You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
• You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
• You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
• Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
• You know what a bodega is.
• Someone bumps into you and you check for your wallet.
• You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
• You pay 'only' $230 a month to park your car.
• You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.
• The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
• You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
• The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if ! It's a beer.

That's New York, baby! Ya gotta love it!

He's just funny... that's all there is to it

When he's good, he's very, very good (see what he has to say about the game of golf):

And yes, it's another video. Can't see it? Click here.

Laughter really is good medicine

You know, JT has some moves.

And he's funny. No, really.

The whole damn skit from SNL is hilarious. Sadly, NBC has been doing a systemic sweep and purge of the WWW, so although I think I posted it here, it may be gone. In which case, I'm sorry.

(oh, and Paul Rudd? He's kinda funny too.)

Justin Timberlake as "Single lady" with Beyoncé
by glide64

Because they don't allow pets in dorm rooms

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless (but she knows who she is), who's a professor at a, shall we say, highly esteemed institute of higher learning.

Graduate degree... $200,000
Tie on the doorknob... $25
Saying the following to your professor with a straight face... priceless

"Sorry my paper is late, I was sexiled yesterday - my roommate was using the room to have sex. So I had to spend the night on the couch in the dorm lounge."

Brings a whole new meaning to sexile dysfunction.

You heard it here first

Not until Thursday, 15-May did Jon Stewart break the story on "The Daily Show:"



And yes, there's a video here.

Three days earlier you read it here on GR2BR (I read it on Huffington Post, who found it on Bluestem). And you thought I was such a slacker.

Take two bones and call me in the morning

Higher education is so important, don't you think?

this post is all about the video - so if you can't see it - click here

Process of elimination

For the irretrievably moronic, there exist the Darwin Awards.

And for the irrevocably bored, there exists the Darwin Awards website, where you can be stupefied by accounts of some of the most imbecilic acts reported. I say reported, not imaginable, because until you read them, I defy you to imagine them.

Don't believe me? Read on, MacDuff, read on...

3 February 1990, Washington

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.

No one else was hurt.

All I'm saying is - when you're feeling a little less than brilliant, a quick stop at darwinawards.com and you're back feeling like Einstein. It's that easy.

Switcheroo for you

First, reel them in. Then, presto change-o. That'll teach those dangnabbit bandwidth bandits.