Ever have one of those days?

You know, one of those days. When you you look around and wonder, what is going through their head? Anything? Anything at all?

"Never listen to what a man says. Just go on what he does." -- Randy Pausch

That goes for girls too, by the way - people are what they do, not what they say. I forget that sometimes, and then, man, do I get sucker punched.

Having said that, I have a few words to say about apologies - because sometimes you have no choice but to say something right when you've done something wrong. That's life. Trust me, I'm not saying I'm the perfect sorry-sayer (or sooth-sayer for that matter), but that's not going to stop me from saying my few words. If you're going to say you're sorry, say it for the thing you did - don't say it for the other person's reaction. That's beyond lame.

Be sorry you were late, don't be sorry the other person was angry you were late. Be sorry you over-reacted and had a completely uncalled-for conniption fit. Don't be sorry the other person was hurt you yelled at them. Or whatever. Seriously.

"I'm sorry you were angry I was late." Are you for real? Man up. (regardless of your gender... man up.)

"I'm sorry you were bummed." You're sorry I was bummed? How about you're sorry you behaved like an inconsiderate ass?

If you can't force the words "I'm sorry I didn't call" or "I'm sorry I anything," out of your mouth, then just -- well, take a long walk off a short pier springs to mind. Failing that, just say nothing at all. Honestly, that would be better. Don't even begin to go down the other road. Trust me on this.

Aaah. I feel better already. Thanks for listening.

Can you hear me now?

From today's NY Times:

Microwaves work in the same part of the radio spectrum as cordless phones, Bluetooth devices and wireless home networks. I’ve lost phone connections to oven interference. Sometimes that’s convenient, too.

So, I guess what they're saying is, next time, just push the disconnect button, and later (much, much later, like the next day or week later) simply say, "sorry, it was either microwave popcorn or talk to you." I mean, who wouldn't understand that?

Holiday card kudos

Full disclosure: I'm terrible at the holiday routine. I mean, I can light and decorate a mean tree, and my chocolate english toffee is to die for, but the card thing? Waaaay beyond me. Thus, I am beyond grateful to and impressed by my friends, who are probably 14 times as busy as I am since they, every last one of them, has a minimum of 2 kids (hey, come to think of it, my friends may be averaging 2.7 kids and .6 dogs each. Wow. Who knew my friends were so... normal? So far though, they are handily beating that nasty divorce statistic. Keep it up, folks - you give me faith in true love.)

Anyway, back to the grateful and impressed part - each year I get a trove of cards, personally signed (which, I learned from my friend Margi, who knows ALL about these things, is the sign that the recipient is a personal friend - and if there's a handwritten message and signature - well, that's the jackpot of "close, personal friend" - and let me pause right here to thank my close, personal friends for remembering me and including me in their holiday tradition. I love you too.)

But to return to my point - I think I had one. Oh, yes... this post is simply to say thank you and happy holidays to my friends, all my friends - it may not be signed, or even handwritten - but it is distinctly heartfelt. (I even made the little image thing-y all by myself.)

Well, auto-text this!

My thoughts on the essential auto-text entries for every girl:

Huh? -- short and sweet, this can be used to respond to texts that are too dumb, too suggestive or too cryptic. And without prejudice. Pretty good for 3 letters.

Done and done -- quick and slightly smart-ass. Perfect text form.

Thanks! You rock! -- my personal favorite, this can be used to respond to almost anything. Let the other side figure out if you're being sincere or sarcastic.

What can I say? -- this, too, covers a lot of ground

Ummm, oops? -- when you need to say you're sorry, but you're not quite sure you mean it.

Perfect -- simple, to-the-point, one word. Perfect.

Wish I could -- the covers-all-bases slide out response. Would that it were so easy in real life.
Wish I could - another time? -- when you want to leave the door open.

Thank you -- Just because we live in the digital age, doesn't mean we shouldn't still make our grandmothers proud.
and, Thank you. I had a great time
or even, Thank you. My turn next time


And please ban, delete, obliterate these from existence:

Miss u - need I say more?

Luv u - this is worse than Miss u

c u 2moro/2nite/l8r - ok, unless ur(!) 15 years old, this is downright unacceptable. Auto-text is your chance not to sound like a teenager, an idiot, or pathetic.